i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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