So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
