i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
