now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
