At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
