Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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