even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
