So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
