haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found puke in my bra..
You took a bar mat shot.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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