How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
