I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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