Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
