It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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