Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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