Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
