Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize