is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
