when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
