either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
