There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
