just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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