Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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