how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
