I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
