someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
