That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
