Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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