Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
