Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize