Christians are straight up FREAKS
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
