So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
