Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
