I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
