You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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