So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
