I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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