why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
