Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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