I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
