i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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