I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Even my vagina gasped.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
