I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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