Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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