I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
