Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this is an emotional support booty call
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
