Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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