i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize