We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
