I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
