Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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