stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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