Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize