I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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