I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
