a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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