just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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