Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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