im drinking this country out of the recession.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
