i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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