I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
