Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She bit a glass in half.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fill condoms, not promises.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize