There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
