Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
