Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
