Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
