I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
