I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
