Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
