Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
