They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
