i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize