Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just gift wrapped bread.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize