4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
