Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
