I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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