Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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