Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
