I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
