So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
