Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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