He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I AM VODKA MAN
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
