Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
