I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize