I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
