just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
