I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
