We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
