those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to make out with him forever
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
