So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
