So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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