my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He kissed a someone with a penis
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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