Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
