my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
