So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
