Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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