Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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