Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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