Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
